Hey there,
Have you recently waved goodbye to your last kid as they ventured off to college or into their first job away from home?
Your house, once buzzing with energy and noise, suddenly feels eerily quiet, doesn’t it? You’re not alone. This is a classic case of what we call ‘Empty Nest Syndrome,’ and it’s more common than you think.
Many couples walk into my office, feeling a bit lost, not sure how to navigate this new chapter in their lives. The transition can be tough, but I’m here to tell you that it’s also an opportunity to rediscover yourselves and each other in exciting, new ways.
First off, let’s acknowledge those feelings.
It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even a bit scared. These emotions are normal. Remember when you first became parents? I do. And I don’t know about you…
…But that was scary too, and look at how you grew into that role.
What you’re feeling now is simply another stage of growth.
Now, let’s dive into six practical steps to help you cope with this new situation:
1. Reconnect with Each Other
For years, your lives probably revolved around your children’s schedules and needs. When that’s gone, you can both suddenly find yourself looking at your partner and wondering: “Who are you?” With the children gone, it’s time to focus on each other. Plan date nights, explore new hobbies together, or even take that trip you’ve been putting off. The goal is to rediscover what brought you together in the first place and to create new memories.
2. Individual Growth
Now is also a perfect time for personal development. Spend some time remembering those things you always wanted to do but couldn’t because of parental responsibilities. Maybe it’s a class you wanted to take, a skill you wished to learn, or a hobby you wanted to pursue. Make time to encouraging each other in individual growth. Why? Because it’s a powerful way to bring a new dimension of respect and admiration into your relationship.
3. Communication is Key
Talk about your feelings with each other. This isn’t the time to bottle up emotions. Schedule uninterrupted time for an Honest, Open, and most importantly Kind (HOK) conversation. This type of communication can help both of you understand and support each other better through this transition.
4. Create New Routines
Your daily routine is going to change. Accept it. Embrace it. Now you get to choose new routines. Whether it’s a morning walk together, a weekly movie night, or cooking together, new rituals can help fill the void and add structure as you adjust to your new life.
5. Stay Connected with Your Kids
Despite how it might feel right now, just because they’re not at home doesn’t mean your relationship with them is over. Speak with them and deliberately find new ways to stay connected. Schedule regular calls, visits, or family vacations. This can help ease the sense of loss while respecting their independence. When I left home at 19, I called home for an hour every Sunday (well nearly every Sunday). I also benefitted because this connection with my parents helped me to keep moving forwards, especially when things got tough.
6. Seek Support if Needed
Sometimes, the feelings can be overwhelming. If you find it hard to cope, don’t hesitate to seek help from a therapist or a support group. There’s no shame in asking for help.
I remember a couple whose youngest had left to start University.
They came to me feeling like strangers living under the same roof.
They’d spent so much time and effort on their children over the years, that they’d lost their connection with each other.
Through therapy, they learned to communicate their needs and fears, rediscovered shared interests, and even found joy in planning a future that was different from what they had known for years.
Today, they’re more in love than ever, exploring life together in ways they hadn’t imagined.
Conclusion
The ’empty nest’ doesn’t have to be a syndrome. It can be a beginning – a beautiful, exciting start to a new chapter in your life.
Accept it…
…Embrace it with open arms and an open heart.
You’ve got this, and I’m here if you need a little guidance along the way.
Warm regards,
Marcus Santer
