“People say love hurts –that is not true. Love that wounds is not love but its opposite and if love cannot cure all ills it can heal and it can strengthen.” Call The Midwife Monologue
Today, I want to dive into a topic that’s close to my heart and, unfortunately, a reality for many: toxic relationships.
If you’ve ever found yourself in one, you know they’re not just challenging; they’re downright draining.
But how do you recognise one?
And more importantly, how do you navigate through or around it?
Let’s break it down into three steps.
Step One: What exactly is a toxic relationship?
Well, as a couples counsellor, I’ve seen my fair share. They are relationships that consistently leave you feeling drained, undervalued, or disrespected. They can be romantic, sure, but they can also be friendships or even work relationships. The common thread? They’re bad news for your mental and emotional health.
Step Two: Recognising the Signs
Recognising a toxic relationship is your first step. Sometimes, it’s not as obvious as you’d think.
Here are five red flags:
- Constant Criticism: If your partner is always finding fault, it can wear you down. Remember, constructive feedback is one thing; endless criticism is another.
- Lack of Support: Are they there for you when you need them? A partner who is unsupportive or dismissive of your feelings and needs can be a sign of toxicity.
- Controlling Behaviour: This is a big one. If they’re trying to control who you see, what you do, or even what you wear – this is a big red flag.
- Ignoring Boundaries: Whether it’s physical or emotional, a partner who doesn’t respect your boundaries is not respecting you.
- Gaslighting: Ever been made to feel like your reality isn’t valid? That’s gaslighting, and it’s a form of emotional abuse.
- Communicate: Sometimes, people don’t realise their behaviour is harmful. An Honest, Open and Kind conversation about how their actions affect you can sometimes lead to positive changes.
- Set Boundaries: This is non-negotiable. Let them know what is and isn’t acceptable and stick to it. Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships.
- Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a professional like me. You don’t have to go through this alone.
- Self-Care: Take care of yourself. Engage in activities that uplift you and reinforce your self-worth.
- Consider Your Options: Sometimes, the best course of action is to step away from the relationship. This can be incredibly difficult, but your well-being must come first.
- Set and maintain boundaries
- You’re not alone
- Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential
- One step at a time
These signs can be subtle, and it’s easy to make excuses for someone you care about. But acknowledging these behaviours is crucial in taking the next steps.
Step Three: Navigating the Toxicity
Now, let’s say you’ve identified some of these signs in your relationship. What next? Navigating through this is tough, but not impossible.
Here are five actions to consider.
BITTER PILL TIME: Working only with couples in crisis has taught me that not all relationships can or should be saved.
Conclusion: You Have the Power
Here’s the thing: you have the power to change your narrative. Recognising you’re in a toxic relationship is a huge, brave first step. And accept navigating through it can be complex and emotionally taxing.
My door’s always open if you need help or guidance.
Remember:
Bye for now
Marcus
