![\"Couple](\"https:\/\/southdevoncouplestherapy.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/couples-therapy-near-me.jpg\")
\n<\/div>\nDo You Feel Stuck in Your Relationship?<\/h2>\n
Couples therapy<\/b> can help you if you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions:<\/p>\n Nobody likes to admit their marriage isn\u2019t the way they want it, that life with their loved one is a major source of sadness, disappointment or pain in their life.<\/p>\n The pain of feeling disconnected from your loved one can be a very uncomfortable place to be. When the two of you first got together, there was a spark, a desire to be with one another and that passionate energy can sustain a couple for a long time.<\/p>\n But now that\u2019s gone, your relationship has changed and what\u2019s left might seem beyond saving.<\/p>\n A truth nobody talks about is all relationships change with time and as you know, change can be uncomfortable. It can lead to a failure to connect, to miscommunications and both of you behaving in ways that damage the relationship and hurt each other.<\/p>\n \n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Psychological clinician John Gottman studied couples for over four decades, observing divorce prediction and marital stability and he\u2019ll tell you that all couples fight and fall out.<\/p>\n It\u2019s normal.<\/p>\n But what\u2019s the difference between those couples who get back together again quickly after a fight and those who don\u2019t?<\/p>\n It\u2019s communication.<\/p>\n And over time a lack of effective communication can lead your relationship to a point where negativity takes over, then the focus changes from the love your partner offers to the problems your partner creates.<\/p>\n You might be feeling really stuck right now or deeply upset because you can\u2019t see any way out other than to end your relationship. Difficulties in relationships are common, they\u2019re the result of two different individuals \u2013 each with their own flaws<\/em> \u2013 working at living together.<\/p>\n The good news is, with the help of couples counselling, the pain you’re experiencing now, can be an opportunity for growth in your relationship.<\/p>\n Let me explain\u2026<\/p>\n My experience as a couples counsellor in Dawlish has lead me to the conclusion it\u2019s unlikely to be your partner that\u2019s the problem. And I appreciate that might be a hard truth to swallow. Because if it\u2019s not your partner that\u2019s the problem\u2026<\/p>\n What is?<\/p>\n The problem is likely to be the negative cycles you and your partner have gotten into. And if you change these negative cycles, you\u2019ll change your relationship.<\/p>\n I can help you to identify these negative cycles and to replace them with healthier, nurturing cycles instead. Reliable research has shown couples therapy can give a 70 to 75% recovery rate in 10 to 12 sessions. And retests of couples at 3 months, 6 months and two years show stable results and in some cases even improved results.<\/p>\n \n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n The most common objection I hear about couples counselling takes this form: \u201cHow do I get my partner to come with me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n It can be very difficult to raise concerns about your relationship with your partner for a number of reasons<\/p>\n 1. You don\u2019t want to hurt their feelings<\/strong> \u2013 But if you don\u2019t have honest conversations with your partner, nothing will change and you could end up feeling like you\u2019re never going to be fulfilled in your relationship.<\/p>\n 2. You\u2019re scared they\u2019ll get angry<\/strong> \u2013 If you\u2019re with an angry partner, it makes sense that you don\u2019t want to \u2018Rock the boat\u2019. But it\u2019s possible your partner is struggling with how to manage their feelings better. Having a trained couples counsellor in the room can help to make sure both of you have a chance to speak and to be heard.<\/p>\n 3. They don\u2019t think talking therapy works<\/strong> \u2013 Why do they think this? Have they had a bad experience with counselling in the past? Or do they believe that if a relationship is “meant to be” then it doesn\u2019t need any support? Getting clear on their objections towards couples counselling can help you to challenge their assumptions and help them to be more open-minded towards relationship therapy.<\/p>\n 4. They don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything wrong with your relationship<\/strong> \u2013 Sometimes just having the space to talk about and explore your relationship can help to make it better. People happily seek coaching to do better in all aspects of their lives, let your partner know your relationship with them is so important you want to make it a priority and find proven ways to make it even better.<\/p>\n 5. They think they\u2019re going to get the blame<\/strong> \u2013 Hey, it takes two to tango right? As a trained couples counsellor, I\u2019ll be helping you to identify the negative cycles in your relationship and helping you to interrupt them and replace them with nurturing cycles. I won\u2019t be pointing fingers, that\u2019s not how this works.<\/p>\n Couples counselling can provide a safe, supportive place to have honest and open communications and help you both to make your relationship work. Let your partner know you love and care for them and you want to get professional support to make your relationship with them stronger, more loving and better.<\/p>\n Studies of couples who come for relationship counselling suggest they “put up with” the problem for an average of 6 years.<\/p>\n Can you see the problem?<\/p>\n You’re absolutely right, 6 years is a long time to be living in an unhappy relationship, so don\u2019t be like these couples, don\u2019t wait until it\u2019s too late.<\/p>\n Be like the couples I work with.<\/p>\n Most of them are looking to improve their relationship because they\u2019ve got stuck in some kind of power struggle, or negative cycle or no longer know how to communicate with each other effectively.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t wait until your relationship is seriously damaged before getting couples therapy.<\/p>\n The good news is that with the help of evidence-based couples therapies<\/strong> you really can get back to the relationship you deserve and desire. A relationship free from the pain of heartbreak and fear you are stuck in right now.<\/p>\n After years of working as a couples counsellor, I\u2019ve come to the conclusion the \u2018Therapeutic Hour\u2019 (more like 50 mins) is of little benefit for couples work.<\/p>\n How come?<\/p>\n Well, the traditional therapy session is just long enough to get couples into a really deep, raw and often sensitive place and then it\u2019s time to go.<\/p>\n I believe this is cruel and potentially harmful.<\/p>\n Therefore I no longer offer ‘hour’ sessions.<\/p>\n Instead my face-to-face couples counselling sessions are two hours long.<\/p>\n Here are just some of the benefits my couples have reported:<\/p>\n Having a sense of protected, sacred time and the ability to build momentum allows you and your partner to go much deeper, much quicker.<\/p>\n You simply don\u2019t get these types of benefits from the conventional \u2018Therapeutic Hour\u2019 offered by other couples counsellors.<\/p>\n I’m also heavily into assessment.<\/p>\n How come?<\/p>\n Well, imagine if you went to your doctor and without even looking at you they wrote out a prescription for treatment. You’d rightly feel short-changed. You want the doctor to examine you, check your vitals, ask you questions and then based on a thorough assessment suggest a course of action.<\/p>\n And I’m the same.<\/p>\n I’ve found assessment to be a very powerful experience in its own right.<\/p>\n Here’s what the stages of relationship counselling usually look like when we work together:<\/p>\n Stage One – Assessment<\/strong><\/p>\n Session 1 ‘Intake Interview’ – You and your partner tell me what’s brought you to therapy, why now and what you hope to achieve. I conduct an oral interview to get an idea of who you are as a couple. If appropriate I’ll also ask you to engage in a short sample conflict. This will show me where you and your partner are getting stuck and interventions to help you smooth these conflict areas out and make them more gentle and productive. Together we begin to build a strong therapeutic alliance.<\/p>\n Session 2 ‘Individual Sessions’ – You tend to do relationships the way you witnessed relationships been done by your caregivers and those close to you. By conducting an individual ‘attachment history’ I get a better idea of how you’re showing up in your own relationship. It’s also an opportunity for you and me to get to know each other a little better.<\/p>\n Stage Two – Treatment Plan<\/strong><\/p>\n Session 3 ‘The Way Forward’ – Based on our assessment work, we’ll look at what you’re doing well and what you’re not doing so well. We’ll discuss the sources of pain in your relationship and we’ll start the process of building\/repairing the connection between you.<\/p>\n Stage Three – Do The Work<\/strong><\/p>\n Session 4 onwards: Now the real work begins…<\/p>\n These stages typically take an average of 10 sessions depending on the level of the couple’s distress, commitment to the relationship and to the therapy itself.<\/p>\n Bottom Line?<\/b><\/p>\n I only work with couples.<\/p>\n I\u2019m trained in a number of systems-based couples therapy models, which means you\u2019ll quickly get an in-depth grasp of what you\u2019re really dealing with in your relationship in the shortest and least painful way possible.<\/p>\n Using this approach I\u2019ve seen couples make it all the way back from death\u2019s door to being in love again. I only work with couples and I\u2019ve been doing this long enough now to be assured of the direction you need to be moving in and how to help get you both there.<\/p>\n Please Note:<\/strong> Issues such as recovery from an affair or trauma will take longer than 10 sessions. Studies suggest it takes at least a year.<\/p>\n \n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n Important:<\/p>\n Your marriage doesn\u2019t have to die!<\/p>\n You don\u2019t have to continue to lie awake at night in pain, dissatisfaction and loneliness. The sad fact is, it\u2019s often only when the divorce papers have been signed, the contents of your home split and you\u2019re sitting alone in your new place that reality sinks in. Only then will you realise the depth of what you gave up on when you gave up on each other.<\/p>\n Please don\u2019t make this painful mistake.<\/p>\n What Now?<\/strong><\/p>\n Research strongly suggests one person can change the way each partner experiences the relationship \u2013 As Dr Harriet Lerner so eloquently puts it\u2026 \u201cDon\u2019t wait for your partner to change first.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n So don\u2019t kid yourself into thinking time will change your situation, because the research on relationships suggests problems rarely change for the better without help. My experience has convinced me that with the right couples therapy you and your partner can get through this challenge and your relationship can be even stronger and more nurturing than ever before.<\/p>\n To schedule your appointment please go here next<\/a>.<\/p>\n If you have a question, you’ll find it quicker to take a look at the Frequently Asked Questions page<\/a> as I’ve answered most of the common questions I get asked there.<\/p>\n If you still have questions, please fill in the contact form below:<\/p>\n\n
All Couples Fight<\/h2>\n
There\u2019s Hope<\/h2>\n
Couples Counselling Sounds Good, But\u2026<\/h2>\n
Don\u2019t Leave It Too Late<\/h2>\n
Relationship Therapy \u2013 How We\u2019ll Work Together<\/h2>\n
\n