In our journey together, we’ve navigated a myriad of topics, but today, let’s take a moment to delve into a topic that can often be a bit of a tough cookie —dealing with chronic illness as a couple.
Now, we all know life’s no picnic, right?
You don’t need me to tell you that.
But when chronic illness throws a spanner in the works, it can feel like you’re trying to row upstream without a paddle. It’s tough, I get it. But the key question is, how do we deal with it without letting it pull our relationship into turbulent waters?
A 2017 study in PEC (Patient Education and Counselling) found that couples who work as a team in managing a chronic illness show increased resilience and relationship satisfaction.
Sounds good, doesn’t it?
Now, here’s how you can make this happen.
Embrace HOK Communication
First things first, let’s talk about talking.
In the face of illness, silence is not golden —it’s downright dangerous.
As a couple, you need to be Honest, Open and Kind. It can be hard to show vulnerability, but it’s an absolute must. The health issue is in the room; ignoring it won’t make it disappear, but addressing it is likely to bring the two of you closer.
Educate Yourselves
Know your enemy.
Dive into research. Familiarise yourself with the illness. Understand its implications, its management. Knowledge not only gives you power but can alleviate fear and uncertainty.
Work as a Team
Remember, it’s not:
“You vs. your partner”.
It’s:
“Both of you vs. the illness”.
This is a team event so share the responsibilities. Seek professional help when needed. Cooperate. Collaborate. Stand together, because that’s what will get you through.
Foster Emotional Resilience
Let’s dig a bit deeper on this one.
Chronic illness doesn’t just have physical effects, does it? It can be a real emotional rollercoaster too. But remember, you’re in this together and couples who address their emotional responses to chronic illness together have better coping mechanisms.
So – and this is especially true if you’re a man of a certain age, forget trying to act like Clint Eastwood in one of his: I’m self contained, I don’t need nothing or no-one roles.
In spite of what you might have heard…
…Research strongly suggests we’re braver and more resilient when we know we the support and back up of our partner.
So, how do you do that?
- Acknowledge your feelings —fear, frustration, sadness— they’re all perfectly normal. Don’t bottle them up, let them out.
- Focus on the positive – Look for the silver linings. Maybe the illness brought you closer or made you realise what really matters in life.
- Practice mindfulness – Now don’t get me twisted. Yeah, it’s a buzzword, I know, but it’s not mumbo jumbo —it’s science. Mindfulness: Touching the present moment deeply, can help manage stress and improve emotional health. So take deep breaths. Focus on what you can see, hear, feel in this moment. Or in other words…Be here, now.
Remember, it’s okay to feel whatever you feel and it’s okay to seek help when the emotional burden gets too heavy.
The journey of chronic illness is a physical, emotional, mental and for some people spiritual one. By addressing all facets of what makes you human, you can truly work towards holistic wellness.
Practice Self-care
Care for your partner, yes, but don’t forget to care for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup, can you?
It’s important you take care of:
- Your sleep
- Your social support network
- Your diet
- Your exercise
- Your stress
Do things that bring you joy.
Remember, you’re not just a caregiver —you’re a person, too.
Seek Support
Far too many good folk think getting help means they’re a failure.
So I’m gonna to be blunt —don’t shy away from asking for help.
It’s not a sign of weakness, but a testament to your strength. Reach out to support groups. Consult therapists, like yours truly, or other professionals.
You’re not alone in this.
Now, you might be thinking:
“That’s all well and good, Marcus, but can we really do this?”
Absolutely, you can.
Yes, chronic illness introduces challenges, but it doesn’t mean the end of your shared happiness. It’s an opportunity for your relationship to grow stronger.
You’ve got this.
Look, I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do know this:
Together, you’re more resilient than any chronic illness.
Together, you can find a way to navigate the stormy seas.
Together, you can turn adversity into an opportunity to grow and thrive.
Remember, every journey begins with a single step. Let today be that first step. Reach out. Seek help. Begin the conversation. Embrace the challenge. It might be tough, but it’s also an opportunity to learn, grow, and deepen your bond.
So, what do you say?
Ready to give it a shot?
I’m here when you’re ready, ready to help you navigate this journey.
I remember my father reminding me of something on his deathbed.
It went like this:
“It’s not the winning that’s important, it’s how you played the game.”
Till next time,
Marcus.
P.S. Discover more about the services I offer here.
