How often have you felt you and your partner are living two separate lives even though you’re under the same roof?
Maybe it’s been days since you really talked or weeks since you both did something fun together.
In our increasingly busy lives, staying connected can feel like an impossible challenge. But don’t fret, because today I’m here to share seven practical tips to keep your connection alive and thriving.
- Take a Stroll Down Memory Lane
Remember when you first met? The butterflies, the stolen glances, and those endless conversations? Relive those moments. Once in a while, pick out a date from your past, recreate it, and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place. By doing this, you’re not just reminiscing – you’re actively rekindling those initial sparks.
- Schedule Regular Check-ins
In my years as a couples therapist, I can’t stress enough the importance of regular communication. Schedule a fixed time every week – an hour will do – to really talk. Not about chores or bills, but about feelings, dreams, and even concerns. Listen to your partner, let them talk without interruption. I promise this habit will change the landscape of your relationship.
- Embrace Technology
I know, I know. We often blame smartphones and social media for our disconnection. But why not turn the tables? Send a cheeky text during the day, share a song that reminds you of them, or even have a video call over lunch. It’s these little moments that say, “I’m thinking of you.”
- Engage in Mutual Hobbies
There was this one couple I worked with who rediscovered their connection through cooking classes. Another took up wild swimming together. Find an activity you both enjoy. It doesn’t matter what it is, so long as it’s something you can bond over and look forward to together.
- Schedule Intimacy
And by intimacy, I mean the physical kind. It’s never a popular idea when I suggest couples schedule time for intimacy. They’re usually appalled by the lack of spontaneity scheduling suggests. But if your lives are crazy busy… Knowing with certainty you and your partner will get some skin to skin contact, swap bodily fluids or do whatever it is you like to do together… Is exponentially preferable to not knowing if/when you’re going to get it. In my experience, intimacy frequently becomes a casualty of a busy life.
- Commit to Continuous Learning
You know that feeling when your partner surprises you and you think, “Wow, I never knew that about them!”? Keep the mystery alive. Attend workshops together, read books, or just take up a new hobby. As you grow individually, you’ll find that you also grow together.
- Seek Professional Help When Needed
There’s absolutely no shame in seeking external help. Sometimes, having an impartial third party can provide clarity and direction. Whether it’s attending weekly couples therapy or a two day intensive take proactive steps if you feel the connection waning.
Pause for a moment.
Take a deep breath.
Look around you, especially if you’re near your partner right now.
Consider this…
…Among the billions of people on this beautiful planet, the two of you saw something in each other that made you think: ‘Yes, they’re the one.”
You have the tools and the capability to nurture this relationship. Because at the end of the day, it’s these everyday acts of love, these small gestures, that make all the difference.
Closing Thoughts
Listen, when I work with couples trying to reconnect, their relationships follow two very similar stages of development.
Stage One – In Love
You and your new partner get together and there’s a lot of what I like to call: ‘Face to Face’ energy.
You’re really into each other.
And if you’re like most couples, in this stage you make other people around you nauseous with how into each other you are.
There’s a lot of powerful thoughts and feelings
You guys are in love.
Then, at some point you and your partner decide to do life together.
You’re ready for:
Stage Two – Let’s Do It Together
This is when the challenges begin.
You set up shop and you do life together.
You commit to being a team.
You share the bills, you focus on your careers and perhaps kids come along.
And sometimes quickly…
…Sometimes slowly…
…All the ‘Face to Face’ energy you had becomes ‘Side by Side’ energy.
Side by Side energy?
Yeah, the two of you are very busy.
You’re in the trenches of life, putting fires out and managing all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune coming your way.
And those ‘Face to Face’ activities you used to do so much of together, get put at the bottom of a never ending ‘To Do’ list.
And they happen less and less.
And perhaps…
…They stop altogether.
And then your relationship is walking a very thin line.
Maybe you recognise these two stages…
…Maybe you don’t.
But if you do, it’s not too late to get that face to face energy back.
The trick is to start now.
- Send that message.
- Schedule that date.
- Pick up that hobby you’ve both been putting off.
Relationships, like gardens, flourish when tended to with care and love.
Remember, every day can be an opportunity to connect.
And if you feel disconnected from your partner and want professional help and access to therapeutic tools proven to help you reconnect…
Bye for now,
