Mental illness.
Those two words are enough to strike fear into the hearts of both the sufferer and their partner.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
With understanding, good communication, and access to professional support, mental illness doesn’t have to mean the end of love.
In this post, you’ll discover:
- Why mental illness impacts relationships
- What you can do to support your partner
- When to seek professional help
- How to look after yourself
Why Mental Illness Impacts Relationships
When one person in a relationship experiences mental illness it invariably impacts the other.
Why?
Because when you love someone and they’re suffering, you suffer too.
Their pain becomes your pain.
You desperately want to help them, but nothing you do seems to make any difference.
In fact, it often makes things worse and leads to…
Like the chap who stopped initiating sex with his wife, because her lack of desire confirmed his belief she no longer loved him.
But he never asked her what was going on.
He never communicated his fears.
So she had no idea this was happening, which just confirmed in his mind she didn’t care.
And so the negative cycle spun faster.
To break negative cycles, you need HOK (Honest, Open and most importantly Kind) communication.
What You Can Do to Support Your Partner
First and foremost, educate yourself on your partner’s condition.
Understand what they’re going through.
Let them know you’re there for them.
Be patient, be kind, be loving.
Create a safe space for them to open up.
Never judge, criticise or belittle them.
And don’t take their moods personally.
Your partner can’t help the way they feel, but you can help them heal.
Here are some additional tips:
- Go with them to doctor visits and therapy. Be an active part of their treatment team.
- Help them adhere to medication routines. Mental illness is often physiological – meds can help!
- Don’t try to “fix” them. Just listen and empathise. You’re their partner, not their doctor.
- Encourage them to join a support group, either locally or online. Connecting with others who understand their struggle can be hugely helpful.
- Educate yourself on their condition by reading, researching online, or talking to professionals. The more you understand, the better you can support them.
Be patient during the bad times, and celebrate the good times. Recovery isn’t linear be their rock through it all.
When to Seek Professional Help
If your partner talks about suicide or self-harm, seek help immediately.
Contact their doctor, call emergency services, or take them to A&E.
Likewise, if their condition deteriorates rapidly or they are unable to function.
Don’t try to handle serious mental illness alone.
As a couple, you can work with a professional to learn tools and techniques to communicate openly, break negative cycles and strengthen your relationship.
Signs it’s time to seek professional help:
- Talk of suicide or self-harm
- Rapid deterioration
- Unable to care for self or fulfil daily responsibilities
- Experiencing hallucinations or detachment from reality
- Major changes in sleep, appetite or mood
- Expressions of hopelessness or constant thoughts of death
- Withdrawing from loved ones and isolating themselves
If you notice any of the above, don’t delay – seek professional support right away.
How to Look After Yourself
Supporting a partner with mental illness can take a toll on your own well-being.
That’s why you must look after yourself.
Make time for self-care. Do things you enjoy.
Seek support from family, friends or your own counsellor.
And never feel guilty for having needs of your own.
Protect your energy so you can be fully there for your partner.
Self-care tips:
- Make time each day for an activity you enjoy – read a book, take a bath, go for a walk.
- Set healthy boundaries – be supportive but don’t become your partner’s caretaker.
- Confide in trusted friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself.
- Consider your own counselling to process challenges. You need support too!
- Eat healthy, exercise, and get good sleep – your health impacts your ability to help.
- Join a local caregivers support group. Connecting with others who understand is huge.
Mental illness presents challenges for any couple.
But together, with compassion, communication and professional support, you can weather the storm.
Your relationship can grow even stronger.
If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other!
