Hello there! I’m Marcus Santer, your friendly neighbourhood couples only counsellor.
Today, we’re diving into a subject that can sometimes be, well, a bit tricky to discuss – sexual problems within a relationship.
But hey, guess what?
It’s totally okay, and it’s more common than you think.
So, you’ve landed here because you’re dealing with some issues in the bedroom, right? Whether it’s a mismatch in sexual desire, difficulty with performance, or lack of sexual satisfaction, the struggle is real. It’s like trying to put together a complex jigsaw puzzle without a reference image, isn’t it?
But why is sex so hard to talk about?
Well, society doesn’t always encourage candid conversations about sex, leaving us in a bit of a muddle when we face issues.
Now, I’m not saying I’ve got a magic wand, but with my experience in couples therapy, I can certainly give you some practical pointers to help you navigate through these choppy waters.
- Open Up the Lines of Communication – The first step to solving any problem, sexual or otherwise, is talking about it. No, really. It may sound cliche, but it’s true. Remember, you and your partner are in this together. You’re a team, and your sexual relationship should be a two-way street. It’s not about winning or losing; it’s about understanding and working towards a mutual solution.
- Seek Professional Help – Look, you wouldn’t try to fix a leaky roof if you didn’t know the first thing about roofing, right? So why tackle sexual problems on your own? Seeking help from a qualified professional, like your doctor or a certified sex therapist, can provide you with effective strategies to address your concerns.
- Get to Know Each Other (Again) – Every relationship evolves, and so does sexual desire. What worked at the start may not work now. It’s like your favourite pair of jeans – sometimes, you just need a new fit. So take the time to rediscover what turns you and your partner on.
- Practice Patience – I can’t stress this enough — be patient. You’re not going to fix everything overnight. Like cooking a gourmet meal, it takes time to get the flavours just right.
- Stay Positive – Negativity can be a real mood killer. Be gentle with each other, focus on the good, and remember — the goal is to find happiness together.
Go Beyond the Bedroom
While communication, professional help, patience, and positivity are critical for overcoming sexual issues, it’s also important to understand that sexual problems can sometimes be a symptom of a broader relationship problem.
Issues with…
- Intimacy
- Safety
- Trust
- Respect
- Equality
…In the relationship can manifest as sexual difficulties.
Take time to reflect on the health of your overall connection.
Are there unresolved conflicts or power struggles causing resentment?
Do you still feel emotionally close and cared for?
Aim to reconnect in non-sexual ways too through shared activities, deep conversation, and quality time together. Strengthening your friendship and partnership creates an environment for sexual issues to be worked through with more safety, compassion and motivation for compromise.
Sometimes we have to water the roots of the relationship before the leaves can bloom again.
With time, as your connection flourishes, your sexual flow may organically find its rhythm once more. Be patient with yourself and your partner through the ups and downs, and know that seasons always change. Your intimate life can blossom again.
Wrapping Up
These steps are your compass, guiding you towards a healthier sexual relationship. I’ve seen countless couples walk down this path, and I can say with confidence — there’s hope, my friends!
Sexual problems in a relationship can feel like you’re wrestling with a shadow, elusive and tricky.
But, when you shed some light on it, you realise it’s not as scary as it seems.
As your guide on this journey, my aim is to empower you. You hold the power to change your situation. And the key to unlocking this change?
It’s a blend of:
- Communication
- Understanding
- Professional guidance
- Patience
- Positivity.
We’re all human, and it’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to admit that there are aspects of your relationship that could be better. It’s okay to strive for happiness. So, I invite you to reach out. Let’s work together to build stronger, more satisfying relationships.
If you’d like to read more on this subject, I highly recommend this blog post:
Until next time, remember —you’ve got this!
Bye for now
Marcus Santer
