Hello, Marcus Santer here.

As a couples therapist, I’ve had the privilege of bearing witness to countless stories of love, strength, and resilience. But today, I’m here to talk about a topic that can rattle the strongest bonds and bring the mightiest to their knees…

…Grief and loss.

Loss is a universal experience, isn’t it?
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Hey there, it’s Marcus.

Let’s talk about a subject many couples often shove under the rug – finances.

You know, that thing more taboo than your aunt’s third marriage?

Yep, that’s the one.

We all love money, don’t we? It buys us our favourite foods, vacations, and those little indulgences that make life sweet. But here’s a harsh truth: a study from Kansas State University found that arguing about money is the top predictor of divorce. It’s like a pack of wolves hiding in your savings account, ready to rip your relationship apart.

But don’t worry, I’ve got your back.

Here are 6 practical steps you can take to manage finances effectively in your relationship and make sure money stays where it should: as a tool for living, not a catalyst for strife.

Let’s get started:
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Today we’re tackling an integral aspect of family life: parenting together.

The stakes are high, right?

We’re not just talking about keeping a plant alive; we’re talking about raising well-adjusted children. This post will give you 9 actionable strategies for effective co-parenting, improving communication with your partner, and striking a balance in shared responsibilities.

Let’s get started.
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Today we’re going to tackle a toughie—long-distance relationships.

Now, I know some of you are already thinking, “Marcus, they’re like a bicycle without a seat. Hard work!” And to a certain degree, you’re not wrong.

But, like biking uphill, there’s a certain strength and endurance we can all learn from these challenges.

Have you ever pondered the nuances of maintaining a relationship where your partner is often more pixels than person? I have, and let’s be frank—it’s like trying to thread a needle in the dark.

But fear not!

With some effort, communication, and a dash of creativity, long-distance love can feel less like a mountain to climb and more like a scenic journey.

So, how can we stitch this together?
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“The Dodo Bird Conjecture – Psychotherapy works… But no psychotherapy works better than any other.” – Richard Bentall

The Dodo Bird Conjecture is a controversial topic in psychotherapy.

If it’s true (and I believe it is) then the difference between therapy that works and therapy that doesn’t…

…Isn’t how many years experience your therapist has.

Though it’s good that they have some.

And it isn’t what school of couples therapy theory they’re trained in.

Though it’s good that they are trained.

All of this is important.
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You’ll find the following 4 tips of great value if you’re wanting to:

• Improve your connection with family and friends
• Improve your intimacy with your partner
• Or looking to build a new relationship with someone and want to get it right
  Let’s get started.

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“Vulnerability to vulnerability is the velcro that all couples need.”
Kathryn Rheem

Life is hard, loneliness is on the rise and we all need Bonding Moments not just with our partners but also with our friends and family in order to get the benefits of love.

Studies suggest love helps you to:

• Seek support when you need it
• Be better at giving support to others
• Roll with the ups and downs of life (and relationships)
• Be less aggressive and hostile

And as a result, we like ourselves more.

But what is love?
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“Intimacy is our birthright. Unresolved attachment injuries from the past cause relationship issues in the present.”– Michael Myerscough

Attachment Theory is based on John Bowlby’s attachment research.

Born in 1907 Bowlby rebelled against the popular psychoanalytical view of the time that patients problems lay in their internal conflicts and unconscious fantasies.

Bowlby insisted people’s problems were mostly external and rooted in real relationships with real people.

Through his work Bowlby found humans have an inbuilt need to feel attached to and comforted by significant others. In adults these attachment relationships are believed to be as important for survival as nutrition and reproduction.

This is such an important point I’m going to share it with you again:
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“Emotion has control precedence neurologically” – Ed Tronick

Quite a few of my couples get uncomfortable when I encourage them to get into their emotions.

Often questioning why it’s necessary when it frequently seems – on the surface – that part of the problem they’re facing is caused by their emotions.

Well, here’s the short answer:

Your logical brain is nowhere near powerful enough to talk your emotional brain out of its experience…

…That’s just how the human nervous system is wired. So if you want to change your experience you have to get up close to your emotions. Specifically your softer, more vulnerable emotions.

In my experience, you can’t talk someone out of what they’re feeling.

How come?
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